I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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