i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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