On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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