apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
