If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
