I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
