actually, I'm a sock model
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
