there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
4 words: hood of his car
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
