Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
