evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
