You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
