this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i think my cat just said my name.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
