i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?