Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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