"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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