i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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