My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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