just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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