And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
