I want to make a zoo with you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
