I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
