The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
