wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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