Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Found the puke drawer
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
