Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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