i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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