He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
