im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize