My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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