i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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