well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i now understand why vodka
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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