While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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