so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
