Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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