do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
