i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
