Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize