Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
