what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
