take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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