Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
