I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
