dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
