the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
