im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
