they need to just BURY HIM!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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