where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
