I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
