I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
