My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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