Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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