well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
