Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
