please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
