Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize