Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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