I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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