At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
