Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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