Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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